Real Men Don’t Garden


A good garden may have some weeds.
Thomas Fuller, prolific English author and fellow green-thumber

Fuller’s cleverly worded anecdote isn’t just for gardening, but for life!

Real Men Don’t Garden
Bull! Ladies, if your man is convinced he has to surrender his man-card to spend time with you in the garden, he just needs a different perspective. You just have to get him to look a little closer. I can explain.

Guys, bear with me, we’ll get to the good stuff in a second.

Truth is, gardens are a beautiful blood-and-guts battleground. Don’t let the pretty flowers and the fluttering butterflies fool you. Serenity and chaos are the yin and the yang in your garden. Don’t believe me? This spring, when everything begins to really take-off in your garden, spend a few minutes on your belly in the dirt. Go ahead! It’s just a little dirt. What you see will amaze you. It’s an outright bloodbath.

Look carefully down there… under that vibrant yellow cucumber blossom. Follow the trail of red ants. Guys, here’s where it gets good. Eventually the single-file line of ants thickens to a chaotic moving mass of tiny, ticked-off killers. In the center of the fray is one very unfortunate garden bully–  a centipede under attack.

Now, look to your left. That earthworm you see is vital to the health of your garden, but he’s in trouble. Serious trouble. Frantic, the little guy is pushing as fast as he can to get back underground before the blue jay on the fence takes another whack at him. The first peck left a nice gouge in him, but try as he does to get to safety, he cannot. All around you, chaos ensues. Beautiful, horrible chaos. Snails hustle to beat the morning sun. A praying mantis makes quick work of a lethargic butterfly. A fly drowns slowly in the nectar of the zucchini blossom. Tarantino couldn’t tell the story any better.

So, your garden may have some weeds. Under the thick blanket of vinca minor and beneath the leaf mulch lies terrible, noisy chaos and conflict. Beautiful indeed!

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4 thoughts on “Real Men Don’t Garden

  1. Hilarious! And so true. Yes it’s a blood bath out there, hidden behind glorious foliage and spectacular blooms. Great post. Tarantino couldn’t have done it any better. 😉 Gina

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